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Even More Jokes

 

People used to laugh at me when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, nobody's laughing now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Amish

Amish who?

Really? You don't look like a shoe

 

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Ya

Ya who?

No, I prefer Google

 

What does a house wear?

Address

 

 I told a chemistry joke once.

There was no reaction

 

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Banana

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Banana

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Banana

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Orange

Orange who?

Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

 

How to fall down stairs:

Step 1

Step 2

Step 4

Step 7

Step 13

Step 22

 

What do you call a man with no body and no nose?

Nobody knows

 

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Beets

Beets who?

Beats me

 

What do young kittens wear?

Dia-purrs

 

How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep?

You rocket

 

I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like: O Mg

 

How can you tell the difference between a dog and a tree?

Their bark

 

How do snails call their friends?

On their shell-phones

 

What do you call an anxious toad?

A worry wart

 

What do you give a sick lemon?

Lemon-aid

 

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Mark

Mark who?

Polo

 

Why was the mother firefly unhappy?

Because here children weren't very bright

 

How do you make a milkshake?

Take it to a scary movie

 

How do you get straight A's?

Use a ruler

 

What building has the most stories?

The library

 

How do you measure a snake?

In meters, not feet

 

What does the dentist of the year get?

A little plaque

 

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Cash

Cash who?

No thanks, I'm allergic to nuts

 

Why are ghosts bad liars?

Because you can see right through them

 

Why does Humpty Dumpty like autumn?

Because he had a great fall

 

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Doctor

Doctor Who?

Doctor Who is here???

 

Why doe humming birds hum?

Because they don't know the words

 

How do you count cows?

With a cowculator

 

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Dishes

Dishes who?

Dishes the police! Come out with your hands in the air!

 

Why should you never use a dull pencil?

Because it's pointless

 

Why did Adele cross the road?

To say hello from the other side

 

Why is "dark" spelled with a "k" and not a "c"?

Because you can't "c" in the dark

 

Why do Norwegian naval ships have barcodes on the side of them?

So that when they come into port they can Scandinavian

 

Knock Knock

Who's there?

You

You who?

I'm still here

 

How do trees feel in spring?

Re-leaved

 

Why were the cows scared?

Because they were a cow-herd

 

What do you call an alien with three eyes?

An Aliien

 

What do you do with an old bike?

Re-cycle it

 

How much room is needed for fungi to grow?

As mushroom as possible

 

What do dentist call their X-rays?

Tooth-pics

 

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Chooch

Chooch who?

I like trains too

 

A dung beetle walks into a bar.

"Is this stool taken?"

 

How do trees feel in spring?

Re-leaved

 

What did the duck say when it bought lipstick?

"Put it on my bill"

 

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's okay, he woke up

 

What happened to the guy who got hit in the head with a can of Coke?

He was fine; it was a soft drink