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JokesObama Laughing; Jokes

 

Here you will find my favourite kid-friendly jokes. You can use these for a joke of the day, save them for moments of boredom or transition, or tell them during a game of Graveyard. There's a lot.

 

 

How do you stop a crow from cawing?

You take away it's phone

 

How do you clean a sheep?

Give it a baa-th

 

What is a cow's favourite game?

Dodge-bull

 

What do chickens do in an emergency?

Find the eggs-it

 

Why was the garbage man feeling so blue?

He was down in the dumps

 

What do you call a woman who builds wire fences?

Barb

 

What's a pirate's favourite snack?

Chocolate ship cookies

 

What do pirates do for fun?

Play on their iPatch

 

Why did the pirate go to the boat store?

They had a sail

 

Why did the watch stop working?

It was ticked off

 

What do whales use to turn their pancakes?

Their flippers

 

Why are zebras bad at colouring?

They won't stay between the lions

 

What's a cow's favourite movie?

It's an Udder-full Life

 

What do you comb a rabbit with?

A hare brush

 

Where did the tricerotops buy it's horns?

At the dino-store

 

What did the geologist say after the big earthquake?

"It's not my fault!"

 

What's the best city for wandering around?

Rome

 

What does a turtle do on it's birthday?

It shell-ebrates

 

What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer

 

What stories do rabbit's like best?

Ones with hoppy endings

 

What did the cowboy say when he fell off his horse?

"I've fallen and I can't giddy-up!"

 

What do you call a sick alligator?

An illigator

 

Why can't you play games in the African savannah?

There are too many cheetahs

 

Why can't you play soccer with a pig?

They always hog the ball

 

Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide

 

Knock Knock

Who's there?

House

House who?

House it going?

 

What do polar bears eat for lunch?

Ice-burgers

 

What kind of monkey flies?

A hot-air baboon

 

What did the water say to the freezer?

"Ice to see you"

 

How do you say hi to the ocean?

Wave

 

Why didn't the lobster share it's toys?

Because it was shellfish

 

What do you call a camel in the artic?

Lost.

 

What does a vampire bathe in?

A bat-tub

 

What's a cat's favourite colour?

Purrrrrple

 

How do bees get to school?

They ride the school buzz

 

What do dogs think about sandpaper?

Ruff!

 

What's a tree's favourite thing to drink?

Root beer

 

What kind of dog has the cleanest fur?

A shampoo-dle

 

What's a ghost's favourite food?

Boo-loney

 

How do skeletons call their friends?

On the tele-bone

 

Why did the banana go to the doctor?

It wasn't peeling well

 

What do martians eat for dessert?

Mars-mellows

 

What do you call a fly with no wings?

A walk

 

What do you call a pig that does karate?

Pork chop

 

What game do cows play at parties?

Moo-sical chairs

 

What do you call an illegally paked frog?

Toad

 

What did the horse say when it reached the end of it's meal?

"That's the last straw!"

 

Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size

 

What did the mother buffalo say to her son before he left?

Bison

 

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Ash

Ash who?

Bless you

 

Knock Kncok

Who's there?

Tank

Tank who?

You're welcome

 

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Boo

Boo who?

You don't have to cry about it, it's just a joke

 

What time should you go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty

 

Where do dogs go when the lose their tails?

To the retail store

 

What do you call a frog with no legs?

Unhoppy

 

What do cows get when they do all their chores?

Moo-ney

 

Why do milking stools only have 3 legs?

Because the cow has the udder

 

How do porcupines play leapfrog?

Very carefully

 

What do you call a pile of kittens?

A meow-tain

 

Why did the boy go to the barber's before the race?

Because the barber gave him a short cut.

 

When I was young there were only 25 letters in the alphabet.

Nobody knew Y

 

What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder

 

Have you heard the joke about the toast?

No? It's butter that way

 

What do you give a dog with a fever?

Ketchup. It's the best thing for a hot dog

 

If life gives you melons... you might be dyslexic

 

Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory?

He just couldn't concentrate

 

What do you call a bear with no socks?

Bear-foot

 

Why did the tomato turn red?

It saw the salad dressing

 

What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

Dam!

 

Where did the skunk park his car?

Odour there

 

How do you find a princess?

You follow the foot prince

 

What do you call a funny mountain?

Hill-arious

 

What did the custodian say when he jumped out of the closet?

SUPPLIES!

 

How do you make an octopus laugh?

With ten tickles

 

Why was the skeleton sad at the party?

Because he had no body to dance with

 

Why are pirates called pirates?

'Cause they arrrrrrr

 

What washes up on very small beaches?

Microwaves

 

What's the difference between a teacher and a train?

The teacher say to spit your gum out but the train says "chew chew"

 

Did you hear the joke about the roof?

Nevermind, it'll just go over your head

 

What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?

A cat-has-trophy!

 

Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?

Because she will Let It Go

 

What do you call a belt with a watch on it?

A waist of time

 

What does a nosey pepper do?

Gets jalapeno business

 

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta

 

What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator

 

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Theodore

Theodore who?

Theodore is stuck and it won't open

 

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Figs

Figs who?

Figs the doorbell, it's broken

 

What did the judge say to the dentist?

"Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?"

 

What do you call an underwater spy?

James Pond

 

What do you call a flying police car?

A heli-cop-car

 

Why was the doctor mad?

He had run out of patients!

 

What did the ghost teacher say to the class?

Look at the board and I will go through it again

 

Who made King Arthur's round table?

Sir Cumference

 

What do you write on a robot's tombstone?

Rust in Peace

 

What did the judge give the paragraph?

A sentence

 

Why did the teacher stick her toes in the pool?

To test the water

 

If I had 6 apples in one hand and 7 in the other, what would I have?

Big hands

 

How does the barber cut the man-in-the-moon's hair?

'E-clipse it

 

Why did the clock in the cafeteria run slow?

It always went back four seconds

 

What is a butterfly's favourite subject at school?

Moth-ematics

 

What's the hardest part about sky-diving?

The ground

 

What object is king of the classroom?

The ruler

 

When do astronauts eat?

At Launch-time

 

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

In case he got a hole-in-one

 

What game do bat's like to play?

Baseball

 

What did the little tree say to the big tree?

Leaf me alone

 

Why can't Cinderella play soccer?

Because she's always running away from the ball

 

What's a tree's least favourite month?

Sept-timber!

 

What kind of tree can fit in your hand?

A palm tree

 

How do trees get on the internet?

They log in

 

Where do astronauts get their music?

Nep-tunes

 

What kind of clothes do clouds wear?

Thunderwear

 

What did one volcano say to the other volcano?

I lava you! You magma feel special

 

What type of music are balloons scared of?

Pop music

 

What is the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish

 

What kind of flower grows on your face?

Tulips

 

What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck

 

How do you cure a headache?

Put your head through a window and the pane will just disappear

 

 

 

Have a joke or two for me? Send them by email to dylan@greatcampgames.ca (put Jokes in the subject line)