Jokes
Here you will find my favourite kid-friendly jokes. You can use these for a joke of the day, save them for moments of boredom or transition, or tell them during a game of Graveyard. There's a lot.
How do you stop a crow from cawing? You take away it's phone
How do you clean a sheep? Give it a baa-th
What is a cow's favourite game? Dodge-bull
What do chickens do in an emergency? Find the eggs-it
Why was the garbage man feeling so blue? He was down in the dumps
What do you call a woman who builds wire fences? Barb
What's a pirate's favourite snack? Chocolate ship cookies
What do pirates do for fun? Play on their iPatch
Why did the pirate go to the boat store? They had a sail
Why did the watch stop working? It was ticked off
What do whales use to turn their pancakes? Their flippers
Why are zebras bad at colouring? They won't stay between the lions
What's a cow's favourite movie? It's an Udder-full Life
What do you comb a rabbit with? A hare brush
Where did the triceratops buy it's horns? At the dino-store
What did the geologist say after the big earthquake? "It's not my fault!"
What's the best city for wandering around? Rome
What does a turtle do on it's birthday? It shell-ebrates
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer
What stories do rabbit's like best? Ones with hoppy endings
What did the cowboy say when he fell off his horse? "I've fallen and I can't giddy-up!"
What do you call a sick alligator? An illigator
Why can't you play games in the African savanna? There are too many cheetahs
Why can't you play soccer with a pig? They always hog the ball
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide
Knock Knock Who's there? House House who? House it going?
What do polar bears eat for lunch? Ice-burgers
What kind of monkey flies? A hot-air baboon
What did the water say to the freezer? "Ice to see you"
How do you say hi to the ocean? Wave
Why didn't the lobster share it's toys? Because it was shellfish
What do you call a camel in the arctic? Lost.
What does a vampire bathe in? A bat-tub
What's a cat's favourite colour? Purrrrrple
How do bees get to school? They ride the school buzz
What do dogs think about sandpaper? Ruff!
What's a tree's favourite thing to drink? Root beer
What kind of dog has the cleanest fur? A shampoo-dle
What's a ghost's favourite food? Boo-loney
How do skeletons call their friends? On the tele-bone
Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn't peeling well
What do martians eat for dessert? Mars-mellows
What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk
What do you call a pig that does karate? Pork chop
What game do cows play at parties? Moo-sical chairs
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad
What did the horse say when it reached the end of it's meal? "That's the last straw!"
Why did the chicken cross the clothing store? To get to the other size
What did the mother buffalo say to her son before he left? Bison
Knock Knock Who's there? Ash Ash who? Bless you
Knock Knock Who's there? Tank Tank who? You're welcome
Knock Knock Who's there? Boo Boo who? You don't have to cry about it, it's just a joke
What time should you go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
Where do dogs go when the lose their tails? To the retail store
What do you call a frog with no legs? Unhoppy
What do cows get when they do all their chores? Moo-ney
Why do milking stools only have 3 legs? Because the cow has the udder
How do porcupines play leapfrog? Very carefully
| What do you call a pile of kittens? A meow-tain
Why did the boy go to the barber's before the race? Because the barber gave him a short cut.
When I was young there were only 25 letters in the alphabet. Nobody knew Y
What did the alien say to the garden? Take me to your weeder
Have you heard the joke about the toast? No? It's butter that way
What do you give a dog with a fever? Ketchup. It's the best thing for a hot dog
If life gives you melons... you might be dyslexic
Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory? He just couldn't concentrate
What do you call a bear with no socks? Bear-foot
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? Dam!
Where did the skunk park his car? Odour there
How do you find a princess? You follow the foot prince
What do you call a funny mountain? Hill-arious
What did the custodian say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
How do you make an octopus laugh? With ten tickles
Why was the skeleton sad at the party? Because he had no body to dance with
Why are pirates called pirates? 'Cause they arrrrrrr
What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves
What's the difference between a teacher and a train? The teacher say to spit your gum out but the train says "chew chew"
Did you hear the joke about the roof? Nevermind, it'll just go over your head
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A cat-has-trophy!
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will Let It Go
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator
Knock Knock Who's there? Theodore Theodore who? Theodore is stuck and it won't open
Knock Knock Who's there? Figs Figs who? Figs the doorbell, it's broken
What did the judge say to the dentist? "Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?"
What do you call an underwater spy? James Pond
What do you call a flying police car? A heli-cop-car
Why was the doctor mad? He had run out of patients!
What did the ghost teacher say to the class? Look at the board and I will go through it again
Who made King Arthur's round table? Sir Cumference
What do you write on a robot's tombstone? Rust in Peace
What did the judge give the paragraph? A sentence
Why did the teacher stick her toes in the pool? To test the water
If I had 6 apples in one hand and 7 in the other, what would I have? Big hands
How does the barber cut the man-in-the-moon's hair? 'E-clipse it
Why did the clock in the cafeteria run slow? It always went back four seconds
What is a butterfly's favourite subject at school? Moth-ematics
What's the hardest part about sky-diving? The ground
What object is king of the classroom? The ruler
When do astronauts eat? At Launch-time
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole-in-one
What game do bat's like to play? Baseball
What did the little tree say to the big tree? Leaf me alone
Why can't Cinderella play soccer? Because she's always running away from the ball
What's a tree's least favourite month? Sept-timber!
What kind of tree can fit in your hand? A palm tree
How do trees get on the internet? They log in
Where do astronauts get their music? Nep-tunes
What kind of clothes do clouds wear? Thunderwear
What did one volcano say to the other volcano? I lava you! You magma feel special
What type of music are balloons scared of? Pop music
What is the difference between a fish and a piano? You can't tuna fish
What kind of flower grows on your face? Tulips
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck
How do you cure a headache? Put your head through a window and the pane will just disappear
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Have a joke or two for me? Send them by email to dylan@greatcampgames.ca (put Jokes in the subject line)